Do You Have a Sense of Humor?!!

Oh...Unexpected entertainment happens when proof reading isn't done...or fails!
It started when the town newsletter arrived in the mail.  I read it and I was reminded that the water bill payment that has been riding above my car's visor needed to be turned in before Sept. 30th. As a part of reminders on the last page was:


Dog Control:  Please note that all dogs in the Town of "Ohhmmm" must be licensed.  Also note that there is a 'Lease Law' and an expectation for dog owners to pickup dog wastes.  Please refrain from feeding wild animals.  If you have any questions please call the Dog Control Officer.
A Lease Law??? Really??  At first I was going to call and say that I wanted to lease a dog, but then I decided I would go to the town hall and pay my water bill accompanied by my best bud "Gracie" ....dog extraordinaire!!  I put her on a leash, and off we went.
We walked up to the counter and I said,
"Do you have a sense of humor?"
"Sure...why?"
"Then I am here to pay my water bill, and sign my dog 'Gracie' up for the lease program!!"
We all laughed about the typo, and then I volunteered to be a proofreader for them 'free of charge' as I taught Reading/Language for 30 years.
Many years ago,  I had previously volunteered to proofread my school district's newsletter after the 'Back To School District Supply List' had a major typo that holds the world record for "OMG!!! Laughter Inducing Errors."
In the high school section listed under the "Computer Room Supplies", the students were asked to bring a five inch floppy dick to class.
Did you catch that?
While the person who was responsible for the error was horrified and upset, after a little time had elapsed we were able to convince her that it was not able to be changed and...the amount of laughter that had resulted was a kind of a possible positive effect.  Laughter is such fun!!
And my proofreading skills were welcomed with open arms.

Funny What You Remember!

I have scheduled a new 'Smart Driving Class' in Oct after Columbus Day.  People have begun to call to register. To my latest call I said,
"I just need your name and phone number, and you can pay for the class on that first day."
"My name is Mrs. Smith..."
I told her that I was a retired teacher, and many years ago, I had a student named Bobby Smith in third grade  and then years later his son Mitchell in fifth grade.
"That's my son and grandson!"
"What a small world!  Ask Bobby if he remembers his desk toppling over and landing on his fingers." [That was in 1975!]
"I'm sure he does because I remember it.  I asked him after school that day how exactly a desk can fall on your fingers!"
"And years later, I taught Reading /Lang Arts to his son!!"
I asked her to please tell them both that I said hello, and,
"For that matter,  bring Bobby to the driving class with you!  He'll save money on his car insurance for three years."
It's funny how often I connect with my former students, and for the most part, each student evokes a memory.  As my son was growing up, when we would see a former student of mine, he would ask me,
"What's the story that goes with that kid, Mom?"
I recently ran into one of his classmates.  I asked him if he remembered winning a third grade 'times-table' contest with my son.  He didn't.
Oh! The things I remember!
And I am like rain woman with phone numbers, too!
Yet, why can't I remember today what I went into a room to get?!!  Go Figure!

A "Lucy" Moment

If you watched 'I Love Lucy' growing up, you probably witnessed some pretty far-out shenanigans as well as a couple of real life dilemmas.  So you would understand a "Lucy" moment and maybe appreciate the unlikely situation.  Here is my latest scenario:


I had bought a one- piece, yellow- flowered cotton jump- short outfit  many years ago.  I loved the design, the texture, and everything about it.  The clipart of a plaid one is meant to give a visual picture.  Unfortunately, it was a tad too tight and so I hung it in my closet.  I generally have gotten past the " It'll be a good incentive to drop some weight" , but I just loved it and kept it.


  A couple of weeks ago, as I changed from my regular clothes to 'sleepware' I made the executive decision to give it a new try.  I have lost a size in the past couple of months...maybe a combo of a new and better functioning knee and a general loss of appetite. 

Anyway, I sat on the edge of my bed and threaded my legs into the bottom [shorts] part and it was a success!  Then I threaded one arm followed by the other arm and began to 'shimmy' the top part onto my upper body.  Not as easy as the bottom, I abandoned the effort thinking that even if I got the thing on, going to the bathroom would be a big problem!!
As I tried to remove the outfit....
I could NOT get an arm out...either one!
Seriously, I was speechless and tried repeatedly to get out with NO luck!
I was definitely not believing that my arms were stuck halfway.
I hadn't anticipated even a possibility of this absurd situation.
 What was I going to do?
Call someone?  I don't think so!  It was a ridiculous moment that I was reluctant to share.
Get a scissors and cut myself out of it?
Not when both hands were ' out of service'.
 Geez!  I sat down on the edge of the bed, and tried to 'get a grip'
 literally.  Relax.  Ohhmmm!
Well, somehow, I managed to get one arm moving in the right direction and then the other.  Off!!  Never to be put on again!
I now have a different opinion of the people on 'America's Got Talent' whose 'talent' is to get out of handcuffs...while underwater...while whistling...etc!
Well, maybe I should audition. Lucy was very successful!
I'll have to give it some thought. 
And also...where is Ethel when you need her?

Thanks, Scout!!

Scout is the cat. She is definitely a character, and ultimately demands to speak her piece.  Sometimes Scout can be very, very vocal when she thinks it is time for breakfast. [5 AM??]
 Nuh-uh!!
She can make sounds that you would not believe could really come out of that little face. Her routine is pretty standard.  When I make coffee and the dog is using the facilities outside, Scout eats breakfast. Then she gets a drink and saunters to the bedroom where she stretches out for a nap while begrudgingly sharing the bed space with me and the dog.

This morning I was watching a taped show of Brian William's 'Rock Central' .  I made a trip to the bathroom and returned to our shared space, my computer, and the TV show.  But now, somehow, the TV was on a different channel and there was Jack Hannah hosting his show..."Into the Wild". It was a fascinating bunker view of a hundred elephants arriving at their watering hole where they drank, played, and swam in their natural environment. A mother had to help her young one get 'unstuck' and out of the mud.  Many trunks were flinging dust and dirt around as they enjoyed a ''dirt bath'.  I have seen birds and squirrels do that same behavior, but watching the elephants' version significantly  kicked it up a notch.  It was pretty amazing.  I know that I am an addicted 'Nature Lover'.  When the morning shows have an animal segment, or the late night talk shows bring on animals, it is always entertaining as well as informative.  As a kid, Mutual of Omaha's 'Wild Kingdom' was a Sunday night family event before 'Lassie'  and 'The Ed Sullivan Show'.
I would like to publicly acknowledge Scout's unsung capabilities.  I also have to wonder...

How does she do that?  How does she change the channel on the remote?  Does she watch David Copperfield and learn his secrets?  I do know that the next time the TV remote is missing, I will have to "Scout it out" with that four legged Houdini!!  It will probably be in her 'bag of tricks'.

PS.  This is a clip art poster...The last picture is not Scout and I never had a hamster!! I just thought it was funny!!!

Why Not?

Most of the time when I am working on the computer, I don't pay much attention to the adds that either pop up or are listed on the side bar... until one appeared detailing a sale on Crocs [shoes]. While Crocs are not aesthetically pleasing, they are very comfortable for my feet which may not look like the average foot.  So I went to their website and clicked on my size and 'sale' and bought three pairs in the process.  They arrived by way of my friendly UPS driver. 
 I opened the cardboard package and placed them on the floor, and like a moth to a bright light, my mom spotted the 'red ones' and lit up with excitement.  I knew they were probably her size, too, so I brought them to her and placed them on her feet. 
Da-da-da-da...!  Watch out Cinderella 'cause you're not getting them off her feet!~
Florence was a happy camper, and it was certainly 'love at first sight'!
Fast forward a month or so and from the darkness in the midde of the night, I hear her whisper,
RED SHOES'.
"What did you say, Mom?"
"Red shoes...do we have red shoes?
"Yes, we do."
A slight pause followed by.
"When might they be available?"
"How 'bout tomorrow morning...or would you like them now?"
"Really?...That's a possibility?"
"Why not? I said.

So I got out of bed, and at 4:30 AM, placed the red shoes on "The Queen Mum"  and rolled back the blankets at the bottom of her bed so that she could easily see them.
Great big smiles and "Thank You!"
Then lights out and back to sleep ...[I hope]
Fifteen minutes later, she says politely.
"My feet hurt!!"
So, I get back up and remove them from her feet.  And I placed them on her bed beside her so that she knew they were nearby.  There was a certain comfort in just having them 'near'.

I did take pictures and then climbed back in bed.

As a strange twist of fate, Florence was cursed with a case of 'gout' a week later in a toe...
Must be why those famous red shoes suddenly hurt and we didn't realize why at that  time.
So until that toe calms done, we must have patience 'til we can...

"Put on your red shoes, Mama. 'cause we're going out tonight!!"

Try Something New?

Oh..to experience something that causes you to laugh out loud is such fun.  To be able to laugh again at a later time by merely 'reflecting back' on the occasion is a joy.
Quick background:  My mom, Florence, is 100 years old and lives with me.  Four years ago following a stroke that majorly affected her right side, Mom has joined the lefties and is pretty good at maneuvering forks and spoons.  St Nic is a wonderful caregiver [sometimes affectionately referred to as 'What's her Name?"] who helps us in many ways, and breakfast is one of them. Florence has always valued that first meal of the day, and yet she is not among the daring who will try tasting new things.  Here we go:
We are gathered at the table this morning.  Nic and I are at the ends and Flo, in her wheelchair, is rolled up to the other side that is between us. Flo has her 'little bit' of cereal with fruit and had declared that she couldn't eat any more. Nic was finishing her toast and  I had mixed together Greek yogurt, fresh blueberries, and some cereal for a bit of crunch.  It was a lumpy, bumpy, purple undefinable nutritious substance...my breakfast.
Knowing full well what Mom's response would be, I whispered to Nic,
"Watch this."
I scooped out a spoonful of my breakfast delight and headed it in my mom's direction,
"Mom, how 'bout tasting some of this?"
In a heartbeat, she made an indescribable panicked face.  Simultaneously, she straightened and auto-locked her knees as she hit the escape hatch to begin to slide off the wheelchair heading for under the table.
Nic and I had to jump up to thwart Mom's exit drill.  We expected the 'face', but underestimated that sweet- mannered 100 year-old's adrenaline rush.  There was no way she was going to have anything to do with...what the heck was that?
Safety established, we were blessed with hysterical laughter...again...and again. It was extremely funny. 
And there you have it...unscripted and delightful entertainment.
Thanks, Florence. 
You are too funny.

She Who Laughs...Lasts.

It has been mentioned that I can be entertaining....sometimes on purpose in the form of a practical joke but quite often without any prior planning or assistance... and the joke is on me.

For the past two Saturdays, I had scheduled another two session Safe Driving Class. They were a week apart so that people who work Monday through Friday can sign up to 'think safety' as well as 'save money'. I know that the true motivation is to save money, but that's okay with me.

On the first Saturday, it was evident that my arthritis was in a flare. I explained that my right knee was pretty annoyed because of the lack of arthritis meds, along with my failed attempt in auditioning for The Rockettes.[kidding.] The people that I meet in these classes are always so kind and helpful, and this group of drivers was no different. They love telling scary driving stories.

By the time that the next Saturday rolled around, I had resumed all of those wonderful medicines that help me function better. Everyone was genuinely glad to see that I was doing better, and I did a couple of Rockette kicks to show them how flexible my right knee had become.[ for real] One man even 'brought the teacher' a chocolate donut as a kind gesture.

We had just come back from a quick break, and I had directed them to the next page when from the back table, I heard...

"Mare, you have a green sticker on your face!"
"What? I do? Where?"
"Right under your chin."

I reached under my chin, and there was a round 'fluorescent green' sale sticker that had 40 on it. I immediately recognized it from a salesman's sale that I had gone to on Thursday, and then I had removed that sticker off of the box that I purchased. That was done in my dining room. How it became affixed to my chin...is a mystery.

When I aked how long it had been there, she said it was on my shirt and she thought maybe it was a part of the design. When it appeared under my chin, she knew it wasn't supposed to be there.

There I was...on sale for a mere 40...what a bargain!!

We all got a good laugh at that. It was quite the unscripted break and I thanked the woman for telling me that it was there. It is similar to a good friend who will tell you if you have broccoli in your teeth or maybe need to use a tissue. It is good to know.
There are always a laugh or two in these classes. This one was right up there with the time I told the people that there were some Ritz Crappers on the back table for anyone who would like some.

Thank goodness that I am able to laugh along with the people even when it is at my expense. A whole room full of people laughing...fun, fun, fun!

Something is different here...

You have to provide your own entertainment in life sometimes to offset daily routine and boredom. I enjoy an occasional 'challenge' that may be generated, and sometimes I get quite the surprise! One game started in changing a picture on the wall, and waiting to see how long it took for Flo or Nic to notice it. Likewise, there are changes done by them as they are often the conspiring partners joining forces to get something past me. Unexpected Post-It notes have been known to pop up with a message like in a scavenger hunt. They are always fun.

When something goes unnoticed for a couple of days, I'll say,

"I moved something a couple of days ago, and I'm thinking you haven't seen it. Do you want me to tell you what it is?"

Most of the time, the response is,

"No, give us a day to be be more observant to see if we can find it."

I know that Nic thinks about it even after she leaves. Then when she returns, and her answer changes to: "Yes, tell me."

It is like a victory!!! No one is keeping score, but it sure is fun to 'pull one over on someone'.

The latest twist was the view out the picture window in the living room. Since Flo is always looking for a deer to appear, I bought a couple of deer stick-on window decals, and they have been there for months. Sitting next to the window one afternoon while Flo was napping in her chair, I decided to move one deer to a different place on the window [after Nic was gone] . I carefully peeled it off and placed it high on the top glass as if it was about to jump out. Nic was not able to see the change that she sat next to six days out of seven. She gave in and I showed her. Wahoo!

Yesterday afternoon, Flo says,

"Just asking a question...weren't there two deer along the bottom of the window? Did we lose one somehow?"

I could not believe it that 'She who is 99' knew that something was different!!!!

[This is the same person who will ask me when we are leaving to go home...]

I went to the window, pulled the shade up higher, and showed her where that other deer went. All the while heaping bountiful praise on how good she is, and at the same time, it sweetened the fact that Flo caught it and Nic didn't!

Oh...It's the small..."Oh... My... God!"...moments that chase away the doldrums.

And there you have it. Life in the fast lane!!!

Step Right Up!!

It is Sunday morning, and we are looking forward to our visit with 'Holy Communion Helen'. For Mom, it is her connection to The Church. I have the added bonus of having taught with Helen, and we often laugh about days and students from those years in retrospect. When she left last week, I had chosen a page from an old daily calendar [recycling those great Mary Engelbreit pictures and quotes] of an Indian with a horse. I placed it in an envelope along with money for gasoline, writing...
"We hope the horse hasn't got gas, but we definitely want you to have some."

And then I added, "You...Cherokee!"

I knew this would prompt an immediate smile and chuckle. Here's the history:

Back in those fourth grade days, there was a yearly theater presentation where 'Playhouse' actors brought arts/culture to the school and the kids would get to interact in the show. Because 4th grade Social Studies included Native American Indian history, that was our actors' theme and the intended children's frame of mind.

So, picture this, if you can.

There are four actors dressed in Indian costumes complete with feathered headdress and face paint. Two women squaws behaving totally in character, and two very tall, serious looking Indian Chiefs. The kids [from both of our classrooms] were organized in a single file line, and off to the cafeteria we went for the actor's presentation. The Indians silently awaited their tribes' arrival at the entrance to the cafeteria, and it was understood there was to be no talking. As each kid approached, one of the chiefs would put both hands on the student's shoulders, look into their eyes, and say,

"YOU...Cherokee!!!" and point to the left side of the set, OR

"YOU...Navajo!!! and point to the right side of the area.

Helen and I were standing right there so the children would see us and not be nervous, and also simultaneously in a 'Mama Bear' readiness to fend off anything 'scary' [which it wasn't.]

Generally speaking, the kids understood and most of them advanced to receive their assigned role with reverence and respect.

And then there was Pam. On a daily basis, you would be delighted to have a roomful of students with her personality and knowledge of where the limits were set. Happy and spirited, Pam merely didn't get the serious nature as fast as everyone else. We saw it coming when she was smilling while waiting about three kids back as the Indian Chiefs designated their tribal assignments.

As she stepped in front of the Native American actor, he placed his hands on her shoulders and said,

"You...Cherokee!!!"

This Chief wasn't kidding and remained totally in character as he reigned her parameters in to what was expected.

Pam's expression was priceless as the blood drained from her face at lightning speed and she became a Cherokee squaw. Helen and I looked at each other and I can honestly say that it was very difficult not to let loose the laughter that our eyes shared and our hearts felt because we knew Pam . She was the most surprised of all!!! Too funny!

It remains among those 'kid memories' that bring a smile and instant mental flashback to that Kodak moment.

And there you have it...Kimosabe!

Tales told out of school!

Truth...stranger than fiction!

There are friends who can bring back the laughter of days gone by...funny experiences in the classroom while sharing the joys of teaching. Back in the late 80's, I taught fourth grade for two years and shared the curriculum with fellow teammate, Helen. After convincing her at the end of the first year that as gracious as she was to coach me in Science [see Oct 25, 2009...The March of the Crayfish], it would be better [ both for me and the kids] if I taught two Social Studies classes and she would do two Science classes. The Social Studies Curriculum included local history and how the community progressed from the 1700's while interacting with the Native Americans, and the Revolutionary War Battles that were fought in and around the area. I had ordered a PBS Series that were 15 minute videos of related topics and invited Helen's class to join us. We were seated on opposite sides of the room as the tape shared 'housing-related' and shelter-type issues after clashes with the enemies, especially when their quarters had been set on fire leaving them homeless. Imagine our surprise when it was stated that within the hierarchy of housing, the chicken coop was included...AND ...that since it was considered most favorable, it was often occupied by military higher-ups! Well, Holy Mackerel!! We both knew that we couldn't even look at each other in fear of bursting out in laughter. No disrespect intended...merely surprised at its 'reserved status'.

Helen called me on Sunday to say that she had heard on the TV that a retired teacher had been living in a chicken coop. I promptly responded,

"Are ya kidding? Are you really thinking that I'm going to believe that? "

We laughed, reminisced about the movie, and that was that.

Then days later while watching TV, a commercial began explaining how AARP was begun by a woman who had witnessed a retired teacher living in a chicken coop because that was all that she could afford!! The founder of AARP determined that she must help people to make things better.

Helen had not made it up! It had not been a practical joke which we have been known to orchestrate upon each other. I had to phone her immediately with the words...

"You were right. I was wrong. It'll never happen again!"

I was so surprised that she had been telling a chicken coop truth!

Good thing I didn't bet the ranch.

The element of surprise!

Some people are hard to please, and others are easily amused.

There are folks who don't necessarily appreciate a joke, and lighthearted folk who are thankful for an occasion to leap for joy.

Time flies for some, and drags for others.
So...

I have been known to organize a lottery pool, plan a group visit to a comedy club, and arrange random reality shows' results into a chance to be the winner of 'the collective pot of gold'. I am always amazed by the participants who have no idea that they have won. You don't have to watch the show to know what's going on. The latest example of this would be "The Cookie Lady." She is a retired teacher from my district and it was in her classroom that I first substitute taught in NY as I tried to land a teaching job. There was a rocking chair in her fifth grade classroom and it added great warmth to the room. When I was hired, I followed her interior decorating idea by bringing in a couch for the kids to sit and relax as they read books when their work was done.

Now retired, she loves to bake and has shared many a confection with us. We call her 'The Cookie Lady' as a better way for my mom to remember who she is instead of using her name.

A member of the pools, I called her when the 'Dancing with the Stars Finale' included her person among the finalists to see if was going to watch, and then she promptly lost!! I figured maybe it was the kiss of death when I called her to ask if she was aware of her possible 'boatload of bucks.' So when 'The Apprentice' finale of two candidates again included her person, I did NOT call her to draw her attention to it. And she won!! The next day, I called her to say that I had made something for her since she had shared so many cupcakes and cookies with us.

"You didn't have to do that," but she then agreed to stop by on her way home.

I placed the $100 bill in a box with a picture of a cat on the cover, and handed it to her. When she opened it up, she flew out of the chair saying that she could not accept the money for her to get a cat.

"You won last night on The Apprentice! That's your prize money!"

She threw her hands in the air and jumped up and down ...the picture of joy!

An unexpected windfall...like an unplanned snowday of freedom.

Ya gotta love watching the smiles and finding the fun in surprise gifts...whatever they may be.

For my mom, when she falls asleep in her chair in the afternoon, she sometimes wakes up to discover a cookie on the arm of the chair. It causes a reaction similar to Columbus spotting land after many days at sea.

It's a mission that it is definitely worth the time and effort.

And there you have it!!!

Steel Magnolias Pt 2

It was karma. Unscripted, unedited, and utterly therapeutic. This morning's entertainment was a one of a kind , truly unique experience that most likely occurred because the planets lined up in some far out way. My hairdresser of 35+ years has also been my mom's 'wizard of choice' from the time that she began to visit me from out of state. It was often a source of amusement that her 300 mile trip to NY was for a perm...and, oh yeah..a visit to her daughter.

A surprise phone call offered up a hair appointment cancellation to give Flo her perm on Saturday at 10:45. The good people who bump her wheelchair up the 9 stairs to the second floor could be there...and St Nic was available to help transfer Mom from wheelchair to shampoo chair ..life was good. The weather was very cooperative. Also, I knew that my good friend [of 30 years] Cathy had an appointment for a color at 11:00. Things come in threes: Then the 10:00 appointment cancelled, and I was able to take it instead of my next Thursday time! We were the only people in the shop. The owner of the business had come to America from Italy aboard the AndreaDoria Ship when she was sixteen years old. She has worked since then, and owns the scissors [as well as the shop] that coifs the hair of many, many faithful customers.

She started with Flo, and while the perm was underway, she started my color. Then Cathy got there, and we were a rotation of three customers playing 'musical chairs' and laughing as the entertainment came from reminiscing about stories of longtime friends.

When the radio played the song, 'Let There Be Peace On Earth', I shared the story about making a tape of Mom's favorite songs. While taping this song, Cathy played the flute, and it was beautiful. I decided to add a personal touch and sang the words in the second verse. When the next to last line rose to a note that was out of my range, and I went for it anyway....and everything stopped except for the hysterical laughter that followed which remains indescribable.

The topic changed to Christmas trees, and the #1 story immediately surfaced. Cathy and I taught together, and as life played out, I became a single mom of one boy and she of her three boys. The kids were 10, 9, 6, and 3 and they all became brothers, friends, and family. We piled into the van in the pursuit of cutting down a Christmas tree while putting forth our best festive effort. As we entered the tree farm, on the very perimeter of the acres of trees, the three year old immediately embraced the first tree which can best be described as 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Tree'. It had about three branches and was the same height as this excited little three year old. This was the tree!! He cried and threw himself on the ground when the boys suggested that we continue to look at other trees. A favorable plan was hatched which allowed us to continue. It was a priceless moment that is told as often as The Charlie Brown Story.

Two hours flew by as our hair got shorter and our laugh lines got longer. It was the definition of a good time. Relaxing and fun.

You couldn't plan something like that as it was many years in the making.

We had all came from different places with an age span that ranged from age 27 to 99 years old. It was great!

Shots, shots, Hit Me With Your Best Shot...

The week: News in Review Good news...bad news!

My trip to the dentist was a scheduled one to address a tooth on its last root.
Hello ....king me! That would be a stunning $975 crown!! Less 5% if paid by cash or check. Credit card companies charge the dentist to use their services, and so the office passes it along to those who use it. In my case that is would be $48 less, and as a result, my home equity line will go up by $900 more !! More or less...less is more....

The hardest part was the Novocaine which I think...mind over matter...for a matter of [peace of] mind because I knew there'd be a whole lot of drilling. I had brought my Ipod and ear buds which proved to be a decent distraction in trusting the Novocaine's effectiveness. A temporary crown now rests in place for a couple of weeks 'til...Dah-da-da-Dah!!! The official coronation. Oh yeah...the good news? The tooth that I had lost a piece of while eating some trail mix the week before was THE tooth in question. I said to the dentist,

"That is good news. Hey! I wanted to chip in and make your job a little bit easier!! "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On my way home, I stopped by one of the schools where I taught and dropped off some gladiolas. I wanted to see a couple of people for sure as well as others. In the parking lot, I recognized a parent of a student that I had taught many years ago. [Geez! Pretty amazing when you recognize the parents, too! That's the 'ole right brain's snapshot ] .
When I asked her to relay my 'hello', she said,
"He remembers you! He used to tip/rock on the back legs of his chair and you took his chair away!!"
Ooof! I didn't see that one coming!!

I have a pretty clear conscience relative to leaving bad memories with the kids and so I quipped, "Would you have preferred a concussion? And he must have had many warnings to lose that chair for just about 5-10 minutes!!"

We laughed about it, but I was thinking 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...are ya kidding me?'

I had a good time walking around the building and seeing familiar faces as well as those of new people. When I tracked down the one person who I really wanted to connect with, she asked if I had mental telepathy because she was talking about me that morning. Kindred spirits.

In the lunch room when I related my conversation with the parent, this 'kindred spirit' said,

"I remember when I started working in the district, there was a PARP [Parents as Reading Partners] campaign going on, and there was a [relatively unstable] kid who wouldn't be able to reach whatever goal had been set to be a part of the ice cream sundae party due to 'circumstances beyond his control.' I was asked to let this kid read to me because she told me that when he was eighteen years old he'd come back and shoot her because he didn't get to go to the ice cream party!!!"

I'd prefer to think my intentions were more altruistic!! Really!!

While this story didn't totally surprise me, this situation was also one that I had forgotten. Within my final years of teaching, there was a message written on the playground equipment about 'Beware of something [bad]happening on Sept 31'. Even though we knew that there were only 30 days in September, it still made you think.

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When we took Flo to the doctor as a follow up to the last visit, I called ahead to ask if flu shots were available. Whoever answered the phone informed me that,

"Yes we have them, but there are 3 clinics set up for that purpose. You will have to get it then."

I could not believe the ridiculousness of this and stated[nicely],

"What? I have to bring my 98 year old mother who is in a wheelchair back at another time to wait in line for a flu shot when she is coming in today and you have them there? I am not one to 'shoot the messenger', so thank you for the info." And I hung up.

As Flo's actual visit was concluding, I asked the [wonderful] physician's assistant who inquired..."Anything else?"about the possibility of a flu shot. Her answer was,

"Absolutely! And one for you, too!"

In my head as I checked out at the desk, I was thinking...NAH-nah-nah-NAH-nah!!

That wouldn't have accomplished anything positive, and so I smiled a big smile, and left.

And there you have it.

Shots of Novocaine, a flu shot, parental shots from the past, my arthritis shot...

I think there's only one shot left to be had....that would be the one in a 'Tequila Sunrise'!!!

Care to join me?

Omm-mmm!

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Technology has certainly come screeching into society in a very big way! Confident people immediately embraced it, children were taught computer skills in school, and those resistant to change refused to acknowledge it was here to stay. A select group was brought along kicking and screaming. In that last category and taking one step at a time...is my brother who has now officially yelled out , "UNCLE!!!"

About fifteen years ago, I remember him patronizing my 'Let me show you how easy 'emailing' can be with a positive attitude'... watching him type an email...against his will...

"I don't know exactly why I have to type this message because telephones are a terrific way to communicate. But, here it goes."

Now he emails, texts messages on his cell phone, and ....are ya ready for this???

Yikes!!! HE SKYPES!!!
My computer has had a dormant skype camera covered by a bandaid because I really had no use for it. And then my niece [his youngest child] went to Ireland for the first semester of college, and suddenly he had a new laptop with skype, learned how to use it, and began bugging the Bejesus out of me to : Get with the program!!
This was turnabout fair play!!!

As he was enroute this past Labor Day weekend to my house to visit Mom, I downloaded skype and removed the bandaid...Ouch!! Then when he began his promo, I said,

"Already done and ready to go!!"

I think I may have detected a mental 'victory dance' as he smiled, "Really!!??"

The kinks have been ironed out, [translation: I eventually located the button that turned my side of the camera on.] And let me add that the skype camera is not necessarily the most flattering portrayal of my face and chin...[ I see chins...]
Then I put the computer on Flo's lap, and her eyes got huge, and she had the 'deer in the headlights look'. She didn't know what to make of it, or what to do. This morning when I was at MOW [Meals on Wheels], Tessie said it best with,

"Think about the changes that she has seen in her 98 years. It must be unbelievable to her!!"

Fast forward to today:

Mom woke up at 6:30 wide-eyed, talkative, and in altered states.

She had no fear or hesitation as she skyped with my brother, and then chatted with the smiling, familiar faces in his office, too. She has known them for 25 years and hasn't seen them since she moved to NY three years ago. Things began churning in 'the windmills of my mind'.

"Hey! How about rounding up the biddies for a skype with Flo? They could drive to your office and we can reconnect a whole bunch of smiles!!"

Oh boy...The barn door was open.

I have learned to be careful what you wish for a couple of times.

I have always wanted to live by the water. When I bought my house, I was happy about the football-sized play area [for my son and his friends] across the creek. The creek! I do live by the water.

Then I was wishing for a companion of sorts when my son went off to college and I was suddenly feeling the quiet of living alone.

And an amazing rescue dog showed up needing a new home. Gracie!!

And I thought to myself...Perhaps I need to be clearer about what I wish for, 'cause I kind of meant someone to hold a conversation with and share laughs and stuff...

Presto!! My mother moved in with me!!

I rest my case. Be very, very careful in what you wish for...I know that I am!

And I'll bet that's what my brother is thinking as he is shaking his head and setting up Flo's skype schedule.

Do you think he is wishing that the bandaid was still there??

Nah!!!