Driving Miss Crazy!

There's 'The Perils of Pauline', and then there's the driving record named :'The Faux-Pas of Florence'.

Florence got her driver's license at the age of fifty-five about the time when I was about to get mine. She needed to be more independent, and pursued that goal even though she was nervous about it. Able Driving School put her in the driver's seat, and despite herself...Flo passed all tests and the road was hers. Though a careful driver, confidence was not her greatest feature. There were three vehicles at her mercy over the course of forty-five years, and hence, three stories:

The family car was her first vehicle, and my father was not exactly thrilled to hand over a set of keys. This meant that he continued to be the primary driver [unless unable to], and Mom drove when I was the only passenger or she was the only driver who was available. One time when my father was in the hospital having some kind of procedure, 'Nervous Nellie' was in charge. It was on a Sunday morning that she had her first 'brush' with ...'UH-OH!!'

There was snow/ice on the road, and as she pulled into the church parking lot, the car slid into the [unmovable and permanent] fence. It was actually what brought the car to a complete stop. I personally thought it was 'unnecessary roughness' on the part of the Lord to have her crash as she parked the car before church!! What the heck was that about??!!
Flo was so anxious that my father would be upset. We never told him. When we went to the hospital to visit him, we made sure that when he looked out his hospital window, the 'good' side of the car was facing him. We got that dented car into a body shop as quickly as possible, and it was fixed before my father's discharge. from the hospital. Could we keep a secret? You betcha! He never knew about it. And all was well with Flo!

Flo's second ' Uh-oh 'brush was a momentary lapse of judgement. In her little green Dodge Colt, she did exhibit more confidence and daring. On a beautiful, sunny day after her haircut appointment had ended, Flo closed the salon door, and walked to her car. She got in, started the engine, put the gear shift in 'drive',and looked in her mirrors ready to exit the parking lot.

What did she see?

A BEE!!! Inside the car!

What did she do?

She screamed , opened the door, and got out!

Meanwhile, back in the car...it was still in 'drive'! 'Uh-oh'!!

Fortunately that 'lil ole bee' only went solo in the car for a very, very short ride. Mom managed to get it together, hop in the car, put it in 'Park', and jump out...again. When she saw the bee zoom out the open door, back into the car she went thanking her lucky stars that this time the car was spared any evidence of that 'episode'!

And the third little indiscretion happened many years later when she was living in a retirement village that we liked to refer to as...'Wrinkle City'. The car was a 30 year old gold Dodge Fart...I mean Dodge Dart... that was in pristine condition with only 60,000 miles [remember, it was 30+ years old!]. And Mom only drove it to the local mini mall within the community during the daylight and if it was not raining and it was not windy, etc.,etc.,

Flo backed the car out of her garage, and without hesitation, promptly knocked down the neighbor's mailbox which was planted clearly in harm's way...across the street. Uh-oh!!

The woman came running out of her house and yelled,

"That's the second time that my mailbox has been hit."

To which Flo quickly replied, "Well, it's my first time!"

And there you have it!

Not too long after that, Flo hung up the keys, and would call a taxi to go to the little mini-mall. My brother would ask her why she didn't call him for a ride.

Doing her banking and buying her lottery tickets was something she wanted to do without an audience and with no commentary.

Florence was quite independent ...for an old bird! [Those are HER words.]

And she still is.

She has joined the lefties of the world when the stroke affected her right hand. Mom kept using her new 'left' hand and soon needed no help eating by herself. As I said...independent!!!

And we southpaws welcome her into our midst!