And the Oscar goes to...

I have been reminded that I haven't told the story of sharing a hospital room with George Kostanza'S MOTHER. [one of 5 in my 5 day stay before leaving for the rehab facility.]


I arrived late on Tues night[ of that dreaded day!], and was semi-aware of two roommates, both elderly women. It was a very large room with big windows, converted from a physical therapy room to a patient room with 3 beds. Let me say right here that I like old people[for the most part], and will often start conversations, and listen to their stories, etc.

One woman had already been released when I returned from surgery on Wed. and the other woman was a very nice 80+ mother of 10 children, grandmother of 25, and great grandmother of 32! The curtain was always pushed back whenever privacy wasn't needed and we had many interesting conversations, etc.


When she was released, another woman was brought in across the room, but it was in the later hours that Estelle Kostanza arrived. For her privacy, the curtain was immediately pulled as they settled her into bed, and thus began our relationship 'thru the hospital curtain'. I never really saw her face, but her voice could have been a Memorex commercial..."Was it real [George's Kostanza's mother] or was it Memorex?"


They were not absolutely sure what was wrong medically[ nor for privacy would I repeat it anyway], and she expressed pain after the '1-2-3 ' transfer[gee...could I relate to that??]. Then she was singing...in that Seinfeld sitcom voice! We said hello, exchanged names[again, thru the curtain], and it appeared that she had her wits about her. If it sounded like she needed the nurse, I'd ask her if she wanted me to push the button, she'd say yes, etc. She may have looked like a few buttons were missing...but not so! Looks can be deceiving. The menu collector said to her, "Are you finished with this?"
No answer. So she asked again. Response: "I'm thinking!"
I was thinking 'just how many choices are there on her all liquid diet?'

We'd exchange the regular, "You OK?" "I'm OK!"

There room now had 3 people and it was the night of the "Oscar Awards" when there was constant activity to either one or the other of my roommates. The nurses brought freshly brewed tea to try to ease the liquid diet monotony. People coming and going, shifts changing, lab techs drawing blood...there is no such thing as 'quiet 'or 'dark' in a hospital.

I was in the corner bed lying low trying to fly under the radar while watching the Oscars when it became apparent that 'Estelle' has something black [unknown] in her mouth and the quest was on to identify it! You will be surprised what it turned out to be...Remember that she was on a liquid diet. Ready?

Somehow, I guess the teabag started to look good. Maybe it looked like caviar!! They were tea grinds!![Originally inside the tea bag].

What a relief considering some of the possibilities that it could have been!!

My biggest problem [post surgery]was my inability to get all digestive systems 'operating and regular'. After Day #5, I was given the directive: Produce by 5PM or we'll be helping it happen. Lions and tigers and bears...oh my!

And then, again in the late hours, a new roommate [a 91 year old patient who came out of hip surgery] was introduced into the mix. And she didn't know that the surgery had already happened. And, "Does my daughter know I'm here?"

And so, between my 3 day relationship thru the curtain with George's mother[ with the raspy high pitched voice] as well as the other 4 seniors each with their own set of problems , there was never a dull moment. It was tough picking the winner of 'Best performance in a short stay".

But the Oscar goes to...

THE NURSES! Their job can be very difficult, and they work very hard.

And assisting me at 5 PM was NOT among their tasks! Halleluia!