Life 101

Each one of us arrives into time and place unaware of everything and in control of nothing.
A phone call from Sarah got me thinking about life, people, and happenstance. Most often we are first judged by outward appearances and first impressions. And yet what makes us unique as an ' individual' are things that are not visible.

I met Sarah a year ago when she became Mom's hospital roommate in need of some 'steroid therapy'.
I thought, "Oh! Sounds good...sign me up!"

Sara has multiple sclerosis and needed therapy to improve her walking capabilities. In her late 50's with one sister who lived an hour away, no children, and a husband on dialysis who had no more energy for her, the hospital was the place for some R&R...rest and recuperation. Sarah, Flo, and I spent about 4 or 5 days visiting and I kind of double teamed helping both patients since I was the most ambulatory of the three of us. The most challenging hurdle , though, was her speech impairment[not related to the MS] . Uncomfortable to listen to at first, it soon became clear that she was making perfect sense but talked so excitedly that it wasn't easily understandable. I'd have to say."I'm not understanding you yet...slow down."
And sometimes, it was"One more time, Sarah."
It was an adjustment for me and definitely outside of my comfort zone. I would guess that people often opt out of sharing a conversation that was so difficult, and kind of embarrassing to both people. It required time and getting past uncertainty.
The point is that an intelligent and witty woman was in there hidden by the outward appearance of chronic pain and 'other than perfect speech'. There was some hearty laughter mixed in our conversations. It was good.

Whenever I visited my mom, Sarah would comment on my colorful pocketbook. It was a red fabric bag with small daisies that was a birthday gift about 10 years ago. I had pressed it into service many times and my mom did, too. The last night when I left the hospital after visiting hours, I went home on a mission. I dumped the handbag's ingredients, and put it in the washing machine and then the dryer. Into one of the flaps, I tucked an index card with my name and phone number in case there was anything I could do for her. The next day, Flo was to be discharged, and I went to get her. I handed Sarah the red pocketbook and she said how much she really loved it. She didn't understand at first that I was giving it to her. Tears rolled down her face and I honestly don't know who was the happier camper!!! It was a grand moment and she still talks about it.
We have chatted several times on the phone, and I visited with her when she was in a rehab center. She told me that now she had some help come into her house two times a week and that the young woman recognized my name and thought that she was a former student of mine. Turned out to be true.

I was invited for cake and ice cream on a day that her helper would be there. So as Estelle Getty used to say on 'The Golden Girls'....Picture this:
I was sitting in Sarah's living room and she had her red pocketbook anchored at her feet. Across from me was my former student who was 10 years old when I met her...[and then her two sisters], too. As a part of her helping job, she had the refreshments ready to go. The three of us enjoyed a Pepperage Farm cake with chocolate ice cream as we all caught up on each other's lives. I remember thinking how unscripted and unique and enjoyable this whole scenario had become.
Sarah summed it up best. She said

"I can't believe that I found a friend in the hospital. I never thought that would happen."

Me, too, Sarah.
It's been a real adventure.

I was thinking that I knew Sara more because I had spent a couple of days in her presence. How many people don't get a fair chance at life, jobs, or friendship because it is difficult to get past the outside?   On Dancing with the Stars, there is an Iraq Vet whose Humvee was blown up when it encountered a land mine. He was badly burned, has had 30 surgeries, and is now dancing up a storm on network TV after an acting stint on 'All My Children. I give him a lot of credit. Initially it is difficult to look at his face. I have seen him on TV for a year and his smile is awesome.
Will the majority give his dancing a chance?

Or will a good looking ordinary dancer have an advantage right from the beginning?
The world would certainly benefit from giving each other basic kindness regardless of outward appearances and/or fashion.

I don't know if that is possible. Maybe one person at a time.